Therapy for strengthening confidence & self esteem in Brooklyn, NY

At the root of confidence and self-esteem is your self-concept, or the collection of beliefs you hold about yourself. Instead of asking the question, “Who Am I?,” people who lack confidence tend to ask the question “Am I Good Enough?” Lack of confidence and low self-esteem are shared by a shocking estimated 85% of the U.S. population.

Early Life Influences on Self-Concept

Often, the foundation for lower self-esteem is built during childhood or teenage years. You might have experienced:

• High expectations from demanding parents/caregivers

• Consequences for underperforming

• Implicit messages that there was something wrong with you for not measuring up

• Judgements about your worth based on school or sports performance

• Watching other adults in your life with low self-esteem

Likely, you were taught along the way that there is a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way of doing things in life.

Social Pressures Affect Self-Concept

As adults, most people with lower self-esteem continue to experience external pressure, typically from family, peers, media/social media, or general standards held by society. These pressures mostly revolve around expectations of appearance and behavior, but can include a wider range of perceived judgment around lifestyle, career, or values. These social pressures can lead to many people developing a deep-seated fear of failure, a fear that there is something wrong with them, and/or a constant worry that they are not enough.

Fear of Judgment and Social Anxiety

People with lower confidence and self-esteem generally live in fear of what others will think of them. It is normal for your thoughts to be consumed by wondering how you are being perceived or what people are saying behind your back. You might spend hours agonizing over sending an email or having an important conversation, and can remain in a highly vigilant state. Feelings of self-consciousness, embarrassment, or shame are common.

Relationship With Yourself

Negative self-talk is the practice of putting yourself down. If you have lower self-esteem, you might have an overly critical style of relating with yourself, quickly pointing out your own flaws or mistakes. Often you might expect negative feedback from others and default to assuming you have done something wrong. You might reject positive feedback or have a hard time accepting compliments. You might even have adopted the practice of being mean to yourself so it hurts less if others are mean to you. 

Therapy Can Help Develop Confidence and Self-Esteem

A therapist can work with you to identify and unlearn some of the harmful or unhelpful beliefs you have developed about yourself. Therapy can help you define for yourself what your version of success looks like and what your own standards are.

Therapy can help you feel empowered not to measure yourself up to others and can teach you to cultivate self-compassion or self-acceptance. You can learn tangible skills about how to meet your own needs instead of relying on others for validation.

In therapy, you will learn that confidence comes from within.